Monday, March 13, 2006 6:38 AM
by
will
All your face are belong to us
 |
Dead Helmsmen
|
Imagethief literally had one foot out the door of his office and was
contemplating an evening of freedom immersed in his knockoff "Lost"
season one DVDs when he stumbled across an article that deserved some
comment because it concerns a subject dear to his heart: cash money.
Imagethief is a fan of money, and enjoys having lots of it. This
doesn't happen very often, but when it does, whoa, baby! But Imagethief
is also a decadent aesthete, and for that reason, he likes his money to
look good. Nobody wants to flash a wad of dull bills all adorned with
the same, po-faced tyrant. That's why Chinese money has always been
something of a letdown and, frankly, Imagethief can't spend the damn
stuff fast enough
And while he's ranting on the subject, Singaporean and US money, the
other two currencies with which he is intimately acquainted (although,
not as intimately as he'd like) also have gruesome shortcomings.
Singaporean money is dull beyond measurement, with all bills sporting
the image of first president Yusof Ishak on the front, and socially
uplifting montages on the back. It's also currently in the midst of its
transition to Aussie-style plastic bills, another aesthetic crime, for
all it's security advantages.
As for US money...well, the less said the better. We get variety in our
faces, but a dull, uniform color and a ponderous assortment of
monuments on the back. Frankly, I have always felt that, while the
front of the US $20 bill should retain Andrew Jackson, the back should
be changed to an engraving of a half-incoherent man snorting lines of
coke off the hood of a '73 Corvette Stingray while surrounded by
topless barmaids. I also think the front of the $100 bill should lose
Ben Franklin and feature Crockett and Tubbs from "Miami Vice". Enough
of the revolutionary figures, already. But that's just me; I take a
progressive approach to currency design.
Chinese money is fifty-fifty. Frankly, I feel that Communist-era
currency design hit its zenith with the ancient "Liberation
Truck" one fen note, which is about the size of your thumb, is utterly
endearing and features no portrait of Mao Zidong. It's also useless in
terms of legal tender, at least in Beijing where one fen is
approximately one tenth of a cash-register rounding error. The newer
notes, while useful for purchasing goods and services, such as pirate
DVDs of "lost" and hand-jobs at the local hair brothel, all feature the
Great Helmsman. Frankly, I feel that paying for vice with pictures of
Mao...well, now that I think of it, it's entirely appropriate, but it
still
feels wrong.
So I was excited to see
this story from Reuters on possible changes in Chinese currency design:
Deng may be the new currency in China
Panel proposes dropping Mao's portrait from some banknotes
BEIJING, China (Reuters) -- Move over Mao. China may remove his image
from the next range of banknotes to make room for other heroes.
Delegates to an advisory body to China's parliament have proposed that
Deng Xiaoping, architect of the nation's economic reforms, and Sun
Yat-sen, father of the revolution that toppled the last emperor in
1911, should grace the new bills, state media reported on Monday.
"We owe our sustained, rapid economic growth and constantly rising
international status over the past decades to Deng Xiaoping, who
initiated the reform and opening drive in the late 1970s," delegate
Duan Huijun wrote in his proposal.
The image of Mao Zedong, who founded the People's Republic in 1949 and
was once the center of a massive cult of personality, is currently on
most Chinese banknotes.
Deng and Sun Yat-sen are hardly as adventurous as my own proposal for
new Chinese currency, which is a series of notes featuring famous television seductresses, but, hey, it's a start.