I love living in China because the country regularly produces news that you couldn't make up even if you spent an evening smoking opium with Lewis Carrol and a magical typewriter that recorded your zaniest thoughts.

Everybody knows that governments love quotas and targets. With its legacy of state-managed economy, China certainly has the pedigree for this. Cue martial music: We will product X-million shoes this year, or Y-million girlie magazines (strictly for the 光棍'儿, you understand), or whatever. But never in my wildest dreams, even the ones that resulted from drinking too much baijiu, did I imagine I would see the following headline and story (here in its entirety):
Officials asked to drink 2-million-yuan alcohol
(Shanghai Daily)
Updated: 2006-04-07 09:09

Officials in a local government in Hubei Province were given a quota this year to consume at least 2 million yuan (US$250,000) of alcohol from a certain liquor company "as a support to its investment," a Hubei newspaper said.

Hanzhou City government has issued an official notice to its 105 departments to use Xiaohutuxian liquors during official receptions, citing a tipster.

For example, the target set for the Hanzhou government reception department was 100,000 yuan, and the city's police station was 25,000 yuan.

The notice said that Guangzhou Pearl River Yunfeng Winery Co. Ltd., the producer of Xiaohutuxian liquors, was a major investor in the city and paid over 13 million yuan in taxes last year. But the company's local sales weren't doing well, the notice said.

Departments fulfilling their targets will be rewarded with 10 percent of the quota, while ones that don't will be criticized.

The notice also said the decision aims to promote the local economy as well as attract more foreign investment.

An official of the local city government admitted that they indeed issued the notice, but said departments that don't complete the quota will only be criticized, not punished.
Actually, when I first saw the headline, which is gramatically incorrect, I thought a bunch of officials was being asked to drink a particularly expensive bottle of liquor. Perhaps it was a gift from a liquor company grateful for the patronage, or it had been dug out of the first sovereign emperor's tomb, or somesuch. I couldn't really figure out how you could end up with a bottle worth that much though. Perhaps something like a bottle of Goldschlager, with more gold and less schlager (whatever that might be).

But, no, as you have read, the Hanzhou city government, in an attempt to "support the investment" of the local hooch-works, is requiring its officials to drink more of the struggling company's product. I've heard of public pump priming, but never public liquor pump priming. Now, apart from the obvious utter ridiculousness of this scheme and its whiff of both corruption (assuming the departments will be spending precious tax dollars on this swill or improperly leaning on their employees to buy it) and alcoholism, I see a few problems.

First, I note that departments fulfilling their targets will be rewarded with 10 percent of the quota. As if the thing you'll be dying for after after choking down your allotment of Xiaohutuxian is...more Xiaohutuxian! Hair of the dog that bit you, I guess. (And if their sales are so bad that they need government support, it must be a dog indeed.)

Second, assuming people purchase their required allotment but don't necessarily drink it, the province runs the risk of being awash in a huge surplus of Xiaohutuxian which, sooner or later, will cause local demand to crash completely (assuming there is any demand to crash). So they might really just be storing up trouble for the future. Sure, you could have another quota the following year. But sooner or later all that supply will catch up with the manifest lack of demand. I guess they could burn the stuff for heat in winter, or pour it into flex-fuel cars, or such.

Third, the announcement says that, "the decision aims to promote the local economy as well as attract more foreign investment." Because foreign investment always stampedes for the city so poorly managed that it has to subsidize its liquor industry in such a way that all the officials are practically guaranteed to be sloshed comatose. Yep, that's a recipe for success if ever I saw one. Let's call Harvard Business Review today and pitch the case study.

Finally, I think the quota for the police department needs to be increased substantially. They'll need a break. After all, they're the poor bastards who are going to have to clean up the mess. Well, them and the hospital (whose quota is mysteriously not included in the article).

Meanwhile, if you'll be attending any kind of government function or banquet in Hubei in the near future, it's a safe bet you can expect to be served nonstop shots of Xiaohutuxian. Hope you like it.

Note: Xiaohutuxian is described thus:
With a long history of over 1000 years, it is produced along the Chishui River of Guizhou province and enjoys a favorable reputation. It is clear, pure and fragrant. Since one will feel intoxicated at the sight of it even before enjoying, no wonder it is the superb one extracted from the traditional Chinese wine culture.
Gosh. You'd think it'd sell gangbusters.