Imagethief has always had a soft-spot in his heart for both the Hungry Ghost Festival, which is observed during the seventh lunar month in Singapore although not in China, and Qingming, the grave-sweeping ceremony, which is observed in both. Imagethief approves of ancestor worship. Both of these festivals feature much burning of offerings for the departed, including traditional "hell money" and not-so traditional paper houses, mobile phones, laptop computer and, apparently now, pharmaceuticals.

Personally, it all makes good sense to Imagethief, who hopes someday to be an ancestor himself, and is rather taken at the thought of future generations of Imagethieves sweeping his grave and burning paper models of Maseratis and Playboy bunnies for him. Imagethief is a strong believer in living the afterlife to the fullest. You can hold off on burning the paper Viagra, though. If you burn a paper Playboy bunny and a paper bottle of Martell, the Viagra should be unnecessary.

Of course, you won't be burning any of that in China now, thanks to the promulgation of new regulations designed to crack down upon particularly vulgar "feudal superstitions" such as the burning of naughty offerings at your ancestors' graves. Here is Reuters, via China Daily, with a tip to Asiapundit and Bills Due:
China bans tomb-sweepers' "vulgar" burned offerings
(Reuters)

BEIJING - China has banned its citizens from burning paper models of condoms, luxury villas and karaoke hostesses when paying respect at the graves of their ancestors.

Many Chinese burn paper money as a sacrificial rite to honor deceased relatives, but economic development has brought more unusual tokens of gifts for the after-life.

Now, anxious to curtail a modern version of what they see as feudal superstition, the authorities have issued new funeral and internment regulations that include fining citizens who burn "vulgar" offerings, a Chinese newspaper reported Tuesday.

"The burning of luxury villas, sedan cars, mistresses and other messy sacrificial items ... will be investigated and punished," the Beijing News quoted Dou Yupei, deputy secretary of the Ministry of Civil Affairs, as saying.

Over the last two years officials have discovered people burning paper offerings of the potency drug Viagra, extra-marital mistresses and even "Supergirls" -- dolls modeled on winning contestants of Chinese television's hugely popular American Idol spin-off, Mongolian Cow Sour Milk Supergirl.

"The tomb-sweepers' feelings are understandable," said Dou. "But burning these messy things -- not only is it mired in feudal superstition, but it just appears low and vulgar."

The new regulations follow reports earlier this month of authorities calling for people to honor relatives online through special Web sites' virtual memorial halls.
Low and vulgar indeed. Oddly, this seems much more like one of the laws I would have expected in Singapore.

Frankly, Imagethief is not sure who this law is designed to protect. Is public morality under threat from a particularly louche afterlife? Perhaps. Heaven knows, the last thing the world needs is exhibitionist ghosts on Viagra. The horror.

Still, it would be a shame to stamp out such a colorful and evocative tradition, even if it is vulgar and feudal. Honestly, at the end of the day, what isn't vulgar and feudal? I certainly am. That's why Imagethief suggests that, instead of banning the practice outright, the Chinese government make an approved list of paper effigies and items that can lawfully be burned at the tombs of your ancestors, with an eye toward encouraging a properly moral and right-thinking afterlife. Among the items that should be permitted for burning:
  • Copies of the People's Daily, so your ancestors can be up on the party line on current events.
  • Effigies of Chinese communist leaders and great Marxist thinkers, so that your ancestors can have civilized (if dull) company in the afterlife, rather than those loose, paper hussies you've been sending them.
  • Copies of Mao's Little Red Book, so they can brush up on Mao Zidong thought and poetry in the afterlife.
  • Chinese propaganda posters, to encourage proper behavior and appropriate worship of model workers, towns and industries.
  • All the proceedings and proclamations from the recent National People's Congress, so that your ancestors are fully up to date on the latest workings of the government.
  • Copies of the 11th five-year plan, so that your ancestors understand the priorities of the government moving forward.
  • Copies of the political theorems and philosophies of the third and fourth generation leaders, so that your ancestors are fully acquainted with the Three Represents, the New Socialist Countryside, the Scientific Concept of Development and the increasingly omnipresent Socialist Honors and Disgraces.
That's right. Take all of these proper, socialist items, put them in a big pile on your ancestors' graves, soak them in gasoline and burn the lot. When the cops come to ask what you are doing, you can simply explain that you are doing your bit to contribute to the New Socialist Afterlife.

See how far that gets you.