Imagethief feels that it is dangerous and irresponsible to speculate and spread rumors. However Imagethief once also burned his own eyebrows off playing with gasoline, so if something is dangerous and irresponsible, it's a good bet he'll do it. That's why Imagethief feels no trepidation at all about conjecturing wildly about the recent sudden withdrawal of the film Da Vinci Code from Chinese cinemas. As reported in the always insightful and deeply analytical China Daily, the Da Vinci Code was yanked by government order:

The withdrawal is to make way for domestic movies, Weng Li, spokesman for China Film Corporation one of the two co-distributors of the Hollywood blockbuster on the Chinese mainland told China Daily yesterday.

The decision was made in response to calls for promotion of domestic movies by the Chinese Movie Distributors' Association, the Chinese Movie Producers' Association and the Chinese Urban Movie Theatres Association last month, he said.

"We are not against foreign films," the spokesman noted. "My company will continue to arrange their screenings in China according to market demand."

This leaves Mr. Weng Li's definition of "market demand" open to some debate, as the Da Vinci Code was doing gangbusters business by Chinese cinema standards, by which I mean people were actually going to see it despite China's unconscionably high ticket prices and mediocre theaters. It was, in fact, on course to challenge Michael Bay's luminously introspective and thoughtful Pearl Harbor for the number two spot on China's all-time box-office league tables. (Titanic sits in so-far unassailable top position, proving that even the thick-faced Chinese enjoy a good tear-jerker as long as it is enlivened by the sinking of a massive ocean liner.)

  Forget the Grail, Sophie. Where has SARFT
  hidden our movie?
It is worth mentioning that China may be the only country on the planet where Pearl Harbor holds the number two box office record. Imagethief can only presume this is because the Chinese will go to see any movie where the Japanese take a bitch-slapping, no matter how shitty it is. Those of you unfortunate enough to have seen Pearl Harbor may recall that the movie climaxes not with the attack on Pearl Harbor (point to Japanese) but with Jimmy Doolittle's raid on Tokyo (point to the Yanquis). This is because in today's more nationalist era movies that end with any suggestion of American self-doubt or institutional failure are considered treasonable.

But we're not here to talk about Pearl Harbor. We're here to talk about the Da Vinci Code. Of the three organizations that "called for" the Da Vinci Code to be pulled, only one of them --the Chinese Movie Producer's Association-- seems like it would stand to gain financially from the move. The Chinese Urban Movie Theaters Association seems to be shooting itself directly in the financial foot. Imagine the logic that would have to be at work if the reports are true:

"Say, let's get rid of the film that is putting more asses on our seats than any film in history save two in order to make room for some locally produced bit of hack that no one wants to see."
"Damn fine idea. Pass the Er Guo Tou."

Masters of strategy at work.

Movies aren't a zero sum game. If you show more interesting films, more people will go to see more movies. (It would help to lower the prices as well, so they're not the exclusive domain of rich Chinese and expats, as they are now.) Therefore, if the issue is clearing screen space --the actual limiting factor in screen-deprived China-- why pull the film that is actually attracting people to movie houses, where they will have fun, buy expensive popcorn, see ads for your other movies (including the Chinese ones), and be encouraged to return? If they had to dump a western movie to make space for House of Flying Fishbones or God of Toilet Cleaners or A World Without Bus Uncles or whatever, why not dump Ice Age 2: The Meltdown or Poseidon, both of which were playing at the same time as Da Vinci Code and neither of which was in danger of attracting as many moviegoers?

If you begin to sense the conspiracy theory coming, dear reader, you know Imagethief too well. Not that he hasn't telegraphed.

If those three industry bodies really lobbied for the Da Vinci Code to be pulled then I'm Kurt Russell drowning in an engine room in a valiant attempt to save my gorgeous daughter and the young man she loves from certain death. The actual order will have come from SARFT, the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television. Imagethief is willing to bet that shadowy fingers somewhere in Zhongnanhai were pulling SARFT's strings because someone in power became uncomfortable with the popularity of a film based on "feudal superstitions". Using the industry organizations as patsies conveniently prevents any loss of face from the late decision.

Paranoia? Perhaps. But what do you expect from someone who watches as many Hollywood movies as I do and has inhaled so much gasoline vapor?

Imagethief tends to bottom-feed in Chinese cinemas because he simply doesn't get much to choose from. Therefore he did go to see Da Vinci Code while exhibiting it in public movie halls was still legal. He can report that it is as undistinguished a cinematic mediocrity as you will ever hope to find. You won't miss anything by picking up the pirate DVD instead (thus rendering the entire situation as moot as every other Chinese movie censorship decision). In fact, the movie may gain something if you do a few Jagermeister shots in the first ten minutes before watching from comfort of your own couch.

Imagethief is also pleased to read that the noble cause of Chinese domestic filmmaking will be further advanced by the now rescheduled release of Mission Impossible III, which is apparently also less of a threat to Chinese filmmakers than the juggernaut Da Vinci Code. Readers who aren't suffering from short-term memory loss will recall that MI3's release was held up for vague reasons having to do with drying underwear, insults to Shanghai and excessive gunfights and car chases. The latter shouldn't surprise anyone on the planet, and, as to the former, Imagethief was in Shanghai twice in the past week and can report that the city is positively festooned with drying underwear. It's good to see that Chinese censors have their priorities straight and are ensuring that the Cinemascope portrayal of all that drying underwear won't be allowed to undermine China's precarious social stability.

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