Imagethief

So I copied that article into Google's translator tool, changing it from English to Chinese, and then back again. Here's the result (and it's not much worse than the original text):
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Hu stressed United Front Work Xinhua News Agency, Beijing, July 12 (Reporter Yu Haisheng)

China Development broadest united front, the best history, the constant consolidation and the Patriotic Union of all workers and said that Hu Jintao Wednesday.

Consolidate and expand the united front must be the main task of China Communist Party (CPC) to improve management, Hu said in the National United Front Work held from 10 to 12 July.

Another important task of building socialism with Chinese characteristics society, the strengthening of national cohesion, Hu said He is also general secretary of the CPC Central Committee.

Relations -- such as the CPC and non-Communist political parties between the Han and minority nationalities and religious and non-religious people of different faiths and different sectors of society and the mainland, Hong Kong and Macau, Taiwan and overseas compatriots -- must be understood and properly dealt with.

Multi-party cooperation and political consultation system, CPC leadership is the key to long-term harmony political parties.

Equality, unity and mutual assistance among all ethnic groups and harmony is in the handling of ethnic relations.

Policy of religious freedom, must be fully implemented in order to reach a consensus on major issues and religious leadership of the CPC socialist system, national unity and social harmony, he said.

Emerging social classes, should respect and abide by unified cause of building socialism with Chinese characteristics.

Exchanges and cooperation, the Mainland and Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan should be strengthened. Overseas Chinese people should be guaranteed in order to raise the country's love and pride, he said.

Finally, Hu stressed, the united front under the leadership of the Communist Party of China fundamental guarantee of future development and should be further strengthened and improved.

Good stuff! They sure do use a heck of a lot filler to get across their main points. I’m no China expert, but I thought I’d take a shot at getting to the heart of the text, paragraph by paragraph. My “gisted” comments in quotations below:

BEIJING, July 12 (Xinhua) -- China should develop the broadest and most compatible united front in history and continue solidifying its alliance with all workers and patriots, said President Hu Jintao Wednesday.

“Everyone in China should be speaking with one voice.. Ours.”

Consolidating and expanding the united front must be a key task of the Communist Party of China (CPC) in improving its governance, said Hu at a national conference on united front work held from July 10 to 12.

“Some people are still speaking their own minds. Fix it!”

It was also a key task of building a socialist society with Chinese characteristics and strengthening the cohesion of the nation, said Hu, who is also General Secretary of the CPC Central Committee.

“Figure out which Chinese traditions can be given a good socialist spin, dump the rest.”

Relations -- such as those between the CPC and non-Communist parties, between the Han nationality and ethnic minorities, between religious and non-religious people as well as among different beliefs, between different social classes and between the mainland and Hong Kong, Macao, Taiwan and overseas compatriots-- must be understood and handled properly.

“Apply more pressure to fringe groups.”

Multi-party cooperation and political consultation under the leadership of the CPC was the key to long-term harmony among parties.

“Pressure the smaller parties to fall in line with CPC doctrine.”

Equality, solidarity, mutual assistance and harmony among all nationalities were fundamental in dealing with ethnic relations.

“Those damn foreign reporters are looking into the way we treat ethnic minorities again. Watch your step!”

The policy of freedom of religious belief must be comprehensively implemented so as to achieve consensus with religious groups on major issues regarding the leadership of the CPC, the socialist system, national unification and social harmony, said Hu.

“We will happily provide all religious groups in China guidelines on how to operate under our rule. We’ll even provide you our very own hand picked religious leaders!”

Newly emerged social classes should be respected and united and be guided to the cause of building socialism with Chinese characteristics.

“We may be socialists, but we love money!”

Exchanges and cooperation between the mainland and Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan should be enhanced.

“The West is distracted by the Middle East right now. We can pretty much do whatever the hell we want with Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan.”

The interests of overseas Chinese should be guaranteed to raise their pride and love of the country, he said.

“Encourage native Chinese living in the West to engage in military and industrial espionage.”

Finally, Hu stressed that the CPC's leadership of the united front was the fundamental assurance of its future development and should be further strengthened and improved.

“We’re large and in charge. Get used to it.”

Do they have awards for Gobbledgook in China? Maybe you could set one up!

In the West they have the Golden Bull award; winners are on the website: http://www.plainenglishawards.com/ my favourite at the moment is:
Wanadoo for 'Wireless and Talk' terms and conditions

‘The failure to exercise or delay in exercising a right or remedy under this Agreement shall not constitute a waiver of the right or remedy or a waiver of any other rights or remedies and no single or partial exercise of any right or remedy under this Agreement shall prevent any further exercise of the right or remedy or the exercise of any other right or remedy. The rights and remedies contained in this Agreement are cumulative and not exclusive of any rights or remedies provided by law.’

One must master this stuff for the proverbial toasts, however. No toast is complete without mentioning the following:

1. Bright future
2. Cooperation
3. Mutual benefit
4. Strong relationship
5. Friendship
6. Profitable.

The real trick is getting all of these in even as the evening wears on.

Go read this priceless example of Chinese bureau-babble. Can you believe they're still churning out this shit? When they put it in an English-language media, have they no idea how idiotic they appear?...

Sometimes, I find the westerners are laughing at their own ignorance. Chinese is a language requires both brain lobes, while English is a language using only the left brain lobe. When westerners read Chinese, the two dimensional thoughts are collapsed into one. Without the basic Chinese language skills, without any basic understanding of the Chinese society, the westerners rush to dismiss what they could not understand. What the article says has nothing to do with bureaucracy. The contents are quite rational and benevolent. Partially in fear of losing their own beliefs, the westerners have fear hearing morally superior Chinese policies; because the Chinese messages are in such sharp contrast to the biased messages which they used to hear in the west. I dream one day, the US government can come out pleading for racial and religious equality like Hu did. That day may never come. There is nothing to laugh at, except for the ignorance and arrogance of a few. I hope westerners can hear more policies of the Chinese government. Before long, when they finally understand what the Chinese are talking about, they will be in shame.

In the light that China is a "democratic nation with the Communist Party at it's core," this piece makes perfect sense.

It's meant to be nonsense.

The key is: neither the communism, nor the democracy, is a clone of the west. No wonder a few westerners like you are lost.