Imagethief isn't big on ladybars. Not, mind you, that I don't appreciate the sight of a sexy woman, or the occasional wallow in utter depravity. It's just that ladybars have never really done it for me. I don't find them arousing or erotic in any way. Not a tingle. There really is a point past which eroticism is sacrificed on the altar of explicit, gynecological vulgarity. Honestly, once you've seen one woman give a customer a "cherry bomb", you've seen 'em all. The main impression you are likely to be left with a lingering suspicion of maraschino cherries and a renewed appreciation of the creative uses of cling film.

My lack of interest in seedy entertainment began many years ago in Los Angeles when a dude who worked for Dreamworks Interactive treated me and some buddies to a night at a lapdance and strip palace during a game industry trade show. Horny nerds plus free strippers! You'd think it a magical combination. But I'd have to describe my one and only lapdance as an anticlimactic experience. Pun intended. However, I can report that, at least in 1996, a Dreamworks SKG name card --even from the interactive division-- had an effect on LA strippers that could only be described as magical. One guess who left with phone numbers that night. My name card said "Sembawang Media". I didn't offer it to any of the girls. No need to make an awkward situation worse.

My lack of interest notwithstanding, I have notice the sudden rise in ladybar touting in Beijing. For the first couple of years here I didn't hear pitch one for ladybars. Now it seems like you can't walk through Houhai or Sanlitun without someone sidling up to you and whispering, "Ladybar? Hey. Hey mister. Hey! Ladybar?" And I've had them in one or two completely incongruous locations as well.

Not being much interested, I haven't been tempted into any of Beijing's ladybars yet. So I don't know if they are ladybars in the Patpong sense of the word, or more like the "cuddle bars" I visited in Saigon, where bosomy girls keep you company in exchange for expensive drinks and which were more like KTV lounges and fronts for prostitution. I'm also not sure if there has always been a ladybar scene in Beijing and I have just somehow missed it, being the clean-living soul that I am, or if there really has been some kind of, um, blossoming. Perhaps a more worldly reader with deeper exposure to the Beijing underworld can illuminate.

Perhaps this is one of the lesser-known aspects of the pre-Olympic re-development program. Makes sense to have all the ladybars completely debugged before dignitaries and athletes start showing up.