In 2007, Imagethief actually forked over 160 RMB so he and Mrs. Imagethief could see Mike Bay's first Transformers movie on the big screen at Oriental Plaza. This was before Imagethief Jr. came along and little things like an evening out or even eating a airlie meal in peace became remote luxuries only whispered about in furtive tones. I don't remember it being 160RMB especially well spent, although it was pretty much what was advertised on the tin, assuming the labelling on the tin read "idiotic robot movie".

One of the things I remember about watching the movie was that there were period references to a potential enemy, or strategic rival, that had obviously intentionally garbled in the audio. Only later, through the magic of HBO Asia (all the neutered, family-friendly movies you care to watch, zero nudity or harsh language), did I discover that the garbled country was "China". It obviously made sense that China would garble references to itself in Transformers, as China's stated policy, as a nation committed to a peaceful rise and a policy of non-interference, is never to take advantage of outbreaks of alien robot warfare on Earth to advance its own political agenda. To suggest any such thing in a motion picture is obviously an affront to the Chinese people (although to suggest it in a pirate DVD or on a video sharing site is, conversely, a damn good deal).

But if to scandalize China once seems like misfortune, to scandalize it twice looks like carelessness. And so we come to Transformers II, the widely dreaded anticipated sequel, which, we learn, has downgraded China from potential strategic rival to incidental battleground with the predictable results, as noted by the Hollywood Reporter:

China's government once again demonstrated its sensitivity to portrayal of the country in foreign movies.

Even-handed online debate in China about "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" and its depiction of Shanghai didn't stop media monitors from bleeping the name of China's biggest city from the soundtrack of the DreamWorks film, which was released here this week.

The censorship, though fleeting, is the latest in a series of cuts to Hollywood imports perceived by communist authorities to malign China's image, and it is significant given the scale of the potential audience for the film.

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In the opening battle sequence of the $200 million "Transformers" sequel, the Autobots and Decepticons drop lots of bombs as they chase one another about a shabby-looking industrial part of Shanghai, actually portrayed by a defunct Pennsylvania steel mill.

A billboard over a highway featured in the chase features Metersbonwe, China's first publicly listed fashion retailer, in its first big Hollywood product placement -- the work of L.A.-based Norm Marshall Associates.

Hard luck for Meters/Bonwe, which will no doubt catch an earful from the Shanghai government for helping to underwrite such crass, foreign propaganda. Perhaps upon seeing the final print they should have asked the producers to digitally replace their sign with one advertising Uniqlo, which, after all, is Japanese and can scarcely be expected to know better.

The Shanghai government has always been uptight about how the city is portrayed, as anyone who remembers the ridiculous flap over hanging underwear in Mission: Impossible III will know. Having lived in Shanghai, Imagethief can report that there are plenty of scruffy neighborhoods. Seriously, how prickly can you be? It's not like your grandparents are going to watch this movie and then say, "Gosh, Mervyn, I don't know. All those robot fights breaking out. Maybe we should cancel those Expo tickets." Good thing the city fathers didn't notice the giant monsters trampling them in Godzilla: Final Wars (you can just see what appears to be the Oriental Pearl Tower getting it at 1:02 in this trailer). They'd be burning Nikons and Vaios in the streets.

Frankly, Imagethief thinks that the Shanghai government is directing its rage at the wrong place. The insult isn't that Shanghai was depicted (accurately) as having some grotty, industrial neighborhoods. It's that some piece of Pennsylvania was used as the stunt-city. That's just not right. But the correct response isn't to have a big, petty bitch-up that only makes them look far too preoccupied about the most niggling of PR mosquito bites, like the guy who's just been hit by a car fussing over his manicure while the doctors try to get his ribs back inside. After all, this is the city that just had a whole building tip over without any robot help whatsoever.

No, the correct approach is to slip Mikie Bay a fifty to get "Shanghai" changed to "Shenyang" or "Suzhou" (because "Beijing" wouldn't look right looped over the lip movements for "Shanghai"). And speaking of that, aren't the censors based in Beijing? I know they have the interests of the country at whole at heart, but itsn't the Shanghai clique's power waning? What do you care if cinematic robots destroy a warehouse in outer Zhabei? It's not like they destroyed the Bird's Nest. (Mental note: Pitch destruction of Bird's Nest to Bay for Transformers III.)

But maybe it's personal. Maybe Mr. Bay has it in for Shanghai in particular. After all, he nuked it flat with a meteor in "Armageddon". At this rate, he'll have to come up with something truly awful to do to Shanghai with his next movie. Like screen it there.

Previously on Imagethief:

Beijing needs a giant monster attack (December, 2005)

 

And when Megatron is done with Shanghai, he will thoroughly insult Hangzhou!